Homework Assignment

"This week each one of you has a homework assignment.

You're gonna go out, you're gonna start a fight with a total stranger.

You're gonna start a fight, and you're gonna lose."

- Tyler Durden, Fight Club

I watched Fight Club last Saturday night. I fought in a martial arts tournament on Sunday. It was not a winning combination. I lost my first fight, and was eliminated from the tournament. It wasn't a close fight. I was demolished. I was steamrolled by a fighter I know I can beat; I lost without scoring a single point. To put it simply, I failed. Epically.

Since the tournament, Sifu has been insisting on a return to basics. I've started doing san ti again, a meditative standing posture. And I've realised something quite important. My goals, my dreams of martial arts greatness, have slowly been slipping away from me since I started full-time work 5 months ago. It's not so much my physical fitness and strength that concerns me; they're sub-par, but not too difficult to correct.

Rather, a spirit of despair seems to have overtaken me. Doubt. I have not been as confident in my path, my future. I have begun to question all too frequently whether I really have it in me. I realised all this during the meditation of san ti.

However, I've also begun to feel something during san ti, something I haven't properly felt in a while. It's a raw, surging power; this vast energy that seems to fill my body and set my skin on fire. And while I feel this surge, my confidence returns. I can feel in my arms the seeds of great power, the power to defeat all my opponents, claim the titles, and take my place alongside the all-time greats of martial arts.

Or it could be muscle burn. Whatever.