See you on the other, more Biblical, side!
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Where have I gone?
I haven't posted much here lately - I've been spending all my blogging time on my new effort: musings and rantings on the weekly parashah. You can find it here.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Brief musings on religious faith upon meeting a devout Chabadnik at 770 Eastern Parkway
There's a man in 770 who spends two and a half hours every Shabbath afternoon, standing in front of the Rebbe's old chair, clapping and chanting Yechi. When I talk to him, his countenance is one of pure friendliness and joy. Yet when I look in his eyes, I see a thousand scimitars of the Prophet, the ingenious instrumentation of Torquemada, and the nuclear warheads on both sides of Wagah.
The differences between my messianic friend's benign form of worship and the more malignant version formerly practiced by Mohamed Atta and his ilk in this very city seem trivial; a matter of arbitrary coincidence. Understanding this, as we stand around 770 and make small talk, a strange feeling rises within me. Not fear - just an equanimous acceptance of zealotry's persistent existence, and an almost benevolent reverence of its timeless power.
The differences between my messianic friend's benign form of worship and the more malignant version formerly practiced by Mohamed Atta and his ilk in this very city seem trivial; a matter of arbitrary coincidence. Understanding this, as we stand around 770 and make small talk, a strange feeling rises within me. Not fear - just an equanimous acceptance of zealotry's persistent existence, and an almost benevolent reverence of its timeless power.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
When somebody asks me a question, I tell them the answer.
Rorschach's Journal.
19th March, 2009.
Got a call from a telemarketer. Called himself Kenny. Spoke with an Indian accent. Pronounced "Bondi" as "Bon-DEE". Wanted to ask me three quick questions. I said I wanted to ask him three quick questions. One for one. He agreed.
My first question is: have you ever invested in the stock market?
Yes, I have. OK, my turn: have you seen Slumdog Millionaire?
No, I have not.
OK, your go.
Would you consider investing if a major opportunity with a potential for large profits arose and you felt like it?
Yes, I would. My turn: do you speak Hindustani?
No, I do not. Is it OK if one of our consultants sends you a letter regarding a major opportunity in the future?
Hmmm. . . my wife doesn't really like it when we get lots of calls and mail from investment places.
We are not like that, sir. We are professionals. You would only receive two to three letters a year.
Well, I guess that's OK then. Now, my last question: how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
. . . I don't know sir.
Guess.
I couldn't even guess.
Oh, come on, Kenny. You can do it! Just take a guess!
I'm not sure.
Listen to me, Kenny. When opportunity shows up, you don't sit back and worry. You get in there and you give it your best shot. Like when someone offers you a job that's hard, but it might be a way to a better life; you don't sit back and say, "it's too hard". You get in there and you give it your best shot. Am I right, Kenny??
Yes, you are right.
So give me a guess!
Is it three?
Close.
Is it five?
It's between three and five.
It is four then.
Yeah, you got it Kenny. You the man!
Thanks very much, sir.
Have an awesome day, Kenny.
You have a good day, too.
Ciao!
Ok, bye.
19th March, 2009.
Got a call from a telemarketer. Called himself Kenny. Spoke with an Indian accent. Pronounced "Bondi" as "Bon-DEE". Wanted to ask me three quick questions. I said I wanted to ask him three quick questions. One for one. He agreed.
My first question is: have you ever invested in the stock market?
Yes, I have. OK, my turn: have you seen Slumdog Millionaire?
No, I have not.
OK, your go.
Would you consider investing if a major opportunity with a potential for large profits arose and you felt like it?
Yes, I would. My turn: do you speak Hindustani?
No, I do not. Is it OK if one of our consultants sends you a letter regarding a major opportunity in the future?
Hmmm. . . my wife doesn't really like it when we get lots of calls and mail from investment places.
We are not like that, sir. We are professionals. You would only receive two to three letters a year.
Well, I guess that's OK then. Now, my last question: how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
. . . I don't know sir.
Guess.
I couldn't even guess.
Oh, come on, Kenny. You can do it! Just take a guess!
I'm not sure.
Listen to me, Kenny. When opportunity shows up, you don't sit back and worry. You get in there and you give it your best shot. Like when someone offers you a job that's hard, but it might be a way to a better life; you don't sit back and say, "it's too hard". You get in there and you give it your best shot. Am I right, Kenny??
Yes, you are right.
So give me a guess!
Is it three?
Close.
Is it five?
It's between three and five.
It is four then.
Yeah, you got it Kenny. You the man!
Thanks very much, sir.
Have an awesome day, Kenny.
You have a good day, too.
Ciao!
Ok, bye.
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Never Really Awake
I have been awake now for 30 hours straight. Wow... what a crazy time it's been. Photos and vids will show up eventually, but the salient points are:
Dawn Chorus, slow dancing, free books, a vocal bipolar Maori and Shmuley Boteach.
I'm sure there's more that I'll remember once I wake up tomorrow, but for now... I'm out!
Dawn Chorus, slow dancing, free books, a vocal bipolar Maori and Shmuley Boteach.
I'm sure there's more that I'll remember once I wake up tomorrow, but for now... I'm out!
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Congratulations, Mr. President
The other day I watched my first ever presidential inauguration. The last time America got a new president I was 12, and much too young to be bothering with this sort of pomp and circumstance.
I was looking forward to watching the oath of office; I was expecting it to be dramatic and poignant. Thanks a lot for ruining the memory, Chief Justice John Roberts. Obama noticed Roberts had said the words in the wrong order, waited for Roberts to correct himself, and then recited the words incorrectly anyway. Silly, silly Mr. President.
The inaugural address was decent enough. Among the generic "we will work together to defeat America's enemies and overcome its problems" spiel were some oratory nuggets. Of America's enemies Obama said, "we will extend them a hand if they are willing to unclench their fist." I'll be very interested to see how that plays out in his foreign policy.
"We shall harness the power of the sun, wind and soil," he said, of his alternate energy schemes. One anonymous wit postulated that Obama was actually Captain Planet.
But by far the greatest thing in that speech was Obama's statement, "we will restore science to its rightful place."
It filled me with happy feelings, and memories of Portal. Inspired, I threw this together on MS Paint:
Barack Obama: he does what he must because he can.
I was looking forward to watching the oath of office; I was expecting it to be dramatic and poignant. Thanks a lot for ruining the memory, Chief Justice John Roberts. Obama noticed Roberts had said the words in the wrong order, waited for Roberts to correct himself, and then recited the words incorrectly anyway. Silly, silly Mr. President.
The inaugural address was decent enough. Among the generic "we will work together to defeat America's enemies and overcome its problems" spiel were some oratory nuggets. Of America's enemies Obama said, "we will extend them a hand if they are willing to unclench their fist." I'll be very interested to see how that plays out in his foreign policy.
"We shall harness the power of the sun, wind and soil," he said, of his alternate energy schemes. One anonymous wit postulated that Obama was actually Captain Planet.
But by far the greatest thing in that speech was Obama's statement, "we will restore science to its rightful place."
It filled me with happy feelings, and memories of Portal. Inspired, I threw this together on MS Paint:
Barack Obama: he does what he must because he can.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
If 1,000 people read this, AaronJ and Simmons are epic trendsetters
We've all signed into our Facebooks to be greeted by an avalanche of ridiculous invites. Your friends want you to register your approval of the latest chart-topping musician, absurd fashion trend, popular brand of coffee, or political development in the Middle East. They want you to join their fantasy army, mafioso organisation, vampire clan and feudal system.
Which is fine. People can waste their own (and others') time however they like. The bit that simultaneously amuses and irks me (just a little), is how seriously they seem to take it all. They really care how their fictional Bible study group and high school cheerleading squad are coming along.
The best bit is the "number" ones: "If 1,000 people join this group, I'll eat a cockroach"; "If 5,000 people join this group, I'll change my surname to 'Dudemeister'"; "If 100,000 people join this group, Israel's incursion into Gaza is morally, politically and militarily justified". For those of you who are slow to think but quick to keyboard, my point here has nothing to do with the "rightness" of Israel's martial shenanigans. I am simply pointing out the absurdity of believing that having a lot of people in a Facebook group has an actual effect on the Middle Eastern political situation.
Which is where my Facebook group comes in. I call it "1,000,000 strong against nothing in particular!" and the description reads "I bet I can find 1,000,000 people who want to be in a Facebook group with 1,000,000 people."
I'm probably misquoting Albert Camus when I say that "humans spend their whole lives attempting to prove to themselves that their lives are not absurd". But I'm pretty darn sure I've got Fiyero's line nailed...
"I say: why invite stress in? Stop studying strife. And learn to live the unexamined life..."
Which is fine. People can waste their own (and others') time however they like. The bit that simultaneously amuses and irks me (just a little), is how seriously they seem to take it all. They really care how their fictional Bible study group and high school cheerleading squad are coming along.
The best bit is the "number" ones: "If 1,000 people join this group, I'll eat a cockroach"; "If 5,000 people join this group, I'll change my surname to 'Dudemeister'"; "If 100,000 people join this group, Israel's incursion into Gaza is morally, politically and militarily justified". For those of you who are slow to think but quick to keyboard, my point here has nothing to do with the "rightness" of Israel's martial shenanigans. I am simply pointing out the absurdity of believing that having a lot of people in a Facebook group has an actual effect on the Middle Eastern political situation.
Which is where my Facebook group comes in. I call it "1,000,000 strong against nothing in particular!" and the description reads "I bet I can find 1,000,000 people who want to be in a Facebook group with 1,000,000 people."
I'm probably misquoting Albert Camus when I say that "humans spend their whole lives attempting to prove to themselves that their lives are not absurd". But I'm pretty darn sure I've got Fiyero's line nailed...
"I say: why invite stress in? Stop studying strife. And learn to live the unexamined life..."
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Some Mild Heresy (with light showers in the afternoon)
I have just had an epiphany of sorts. You ready? Judaism is a gnostic faith. Allow me to explain.
Gnosticism is essentially the belief that the universe was created by an imperfect deity, known as the Demiurge, and that a Supreme Being of pure good exists indepently of said Demiurge. The Demiurge is usually thought of to be either malevolent or simply unable to properly execute perfect good. It's easy enough to see the God of the Hebrews as a Demiurge. After all, his track record is far from perfect. In the delightfully amusing language of Richard Dawkins:
"The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully."
But this raises the question: if He's the Demiurge, who's the Supreme Being? Who's the Force of pure, omnipotent good that will save us from this world of suffering?
The answer struck me this suddenly afternoon, as I sat in bemused debate with a small troupe of Lubavitchers who were attempting to persuade me to don tefillin. It was so blindingly obvious, that I am astonished I didn't figure it out sooner. The Supreme Being is this guy:
Ha. Bet you didn't think you'd see a photo of him on my blog. Or should that be a capitalised "Him"? After all, according to Lubavitch thought, that man is the Messiah. The one who will lead us into an era of pure good, and perfect/supplant the evil-ridden universe of the Hebrew God.
Sounds like gnosticism to me. What do you think?
Gnosticism is essentially the belief that the universe was created by an imperfect deity, known as the Demiurge, and that a Supreme Being of pure good exists indepently of said Demiurge. The Demiurge is usually thought of to be either malevolent or simply unable to properly execute perfect good. It's easy enough to see the God of the Hebrews as a Demiurge. After all, his track record is far from perfect. In the delightfully amusing language of Richard Dawkins:
"The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully."
But this raises the question: if He's the Demiurge, who's the Supreme Being? Who's the Force of pure, omnipotent good that will save us from this world of suffering?
The answer struck me this suddenly afternoon, as I sat in bemused debate with a small troupe of Lubavitchers who were attempting to persuade me to don tefillin. It was so blindingly obvious, that I am astonished I didn't figure it out sooner. The Supreme Being is this guy:
Ha. Bet you didn't think you'd see a photo of him on my blog. Or should that be a capitalised "Him"? After all, according to Lubavitch thought, that man is the Messiah. The one who will lead us into an era of pure good, and perfect/supplant the evil-ridden universe of the Hebrew God.
Sounds like gnosticism to me. What do you think?
Friday, December 5, 2008
Pain and Numberings
Number of Chabad emissaries brutally murdered in Bombay: 2
Number of deaths on the roads of Israel this year*: 244
Number of Israeli Jews who died of lung cancer in 2005**: 1193
"A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic."
- attributed to Joseph Stalin
* Source: Israel Central Bureau of Statistics. Motorist fatalities 1/1/08 - 31/8/08.
** Source: Israeli Central Bureau of Statistics. Includes cancers of the trachea and bronchus.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Northrend Musings - All the World's a Toilet
It's not like Blizzard has never made me clean up their shit before (I remember one particular adventure I had in Nagrand). Yet I had hoped, with unwarranted optimism, that I could leave my dung duties behind when I arrived in Northrend.
Alas, twas not to be! No sooner had I stepped off the *boat thingy* than some crazy gnome was having me feed gourmet Sephardi dishes to the local wolf population and search the, uh, products of my labour for missing microfilms.
"That's no problem," I hear you say. "When I go to Northrend, two months after everyone else, I'll just go to Howling Fjord. FIXT!"
So this is where it really gets fun. A gnome in Howling Fjord gave me sticks of dynamite and directed me to throw them under nearby bats to, quite literally, scare the shit out of them. Then, big surprise, I had to collect it. Me, big, hero, saviour-of-the-Alliance me. Once again, picking up droppings.
I'm assuming Blizzard hired heaps of new people to help with the construction of Northrend.
I wonder if they hired someone solely to create feces-based quests.
I wonder where he lives...
Alas, twas not to be! No sooner had I stepped off the *boat thingy* than some crazy gnome was having me feed gourmet Sephardi dishes to the local wolf population and search the, uh, products of my labour for missing microfilms.
"That's no problem," I hear you say. "When I go to Northrend, two months after everyone else, I'll just go to Howling Fjord. FIXT!"
So this is where it really gets fun. A gnome in Howling Fjord gave me sticks of dynamite and directed me to throw them under nearby bats to, quite literally, scare the shit out of them. Then, big surprise, I had to collect it. Me, big, hero, saviour-of-the-Alliance me. Once again, picking up droppings.
I'm assuming Blizzard hired heaps of new people to help with the construction of Northrend.
I wonder if they hired someone solely to create feces-based quests.
I wonder where he lives...
Sunday, November 23, 2008
My Life According To My Playlist
There's this nifty little game Louise put me on to. You take one of those quizzes that make you explain your entire life in a couple dozen questions, and you fill it in. But, instead of giving accurate answers that make things all-too-easy for faux psychics and identity thieves (you may as well just take off the damn tin-foil hat), you play all the songs you have on 'shuffle' and let Windows Media Player answer for you! Or use iTunes - if you SUCK! Here's mine:
1. If someone says "is this okay?" you say...
California Love (Tupac & Dr. Dre). "It's all good from Diego to the Bay!" I actually answer like this quite often ^^
2. How would you describe yourself?
Puke (Eminem). "You don't know how sick you make me/ you make me fucking sick to my stomach/ every time I think of you I puke"? Words cannot express the emo...
3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Till I Collapse (Eminem, 50 Cent, 2pac). I like a girl with Stamina. Yes, that capital S is intentional.
4. How do you feel today?
We All Die One Day (G-Unit, Eminem, Obie Trice). Today is a good day for contemplating mortality. It can be quite freeing.
5. What is your life's purpose?
Sing for the Moment (Eminem). "Sing it with me/ just for today/ maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away..." Friends tell me that doesn't count as a proper ambition. I tell them to STFU before I pop a cap in they ass, yo! :P
6. What is your motto?
Eye of the Tiger (Survivor). SEE! I don't JUST listen to hip-hop. Getting a song like this for the motto question is just stupidly easy. I'm not even going to bother.
7. What do your friends think of you?
For Aragorn and Arwen (Enya). They think I'm the saviour of Middle Earth, come to reclaim my kingdom and vanquish evil. Honestly they do.
8. What do you think of your parents?
Little Becky wants to have her school knocked down (Simon Jones). "Is this a demolition company or a joke factory?" - that pretty much sums it up. :P
9.What do you think about very often?
Random Englishman (the "Microphone" function on my Mp3 player). This is a recording of an awesomely wacky dude I once met on the bus home. You know that type that doesn't quite get how you're never supposed to talk to strangers on public transport? I love that type. Reminds me of me. Quotes like "You're almost an English gentleman, the way you carry on. You're one of the nicest blokes I've ever met on the bus" and "Thank you Jew Itzi. What a nice Jew man you are" are not actually things I think about that often; although perhaps if I did my answer to question 2 would be a little more positive. XD
10. What is 2 + 2?
Busted (Matchbox 20). I wonder how many people actually get a relevant answer to this one?
11. What do you think of your best friend?
Give It Up To Me (Sean Paul). Best friends should always put out. This I believe very strongly.
12. What do you think of the person you like?
Hey Jude (The Beatles). "And dont you know that its just you/ Hey Jude, you'll do" - because Jessica Alba is married and has a kid now.
13. What is your life story?
Stoned (Dido). BWAHAHAHAHHAHAA. Isn't it wonderful when the RNG comes up with this stuff?
14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Nothing Else Matters (Apocalyptica). When I grow up, I want to achieve a Taoist sense of nihilism. True story.
15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
When You Are Old and Grey (Tom Lehrer). "Since I still appreciate you, let's find love while we may/ Because I know I'll hate you when you are old and grey." Okay, not HATE... but I might want to keep the light off, you know?
16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Chemo Limo (Regina Spektor). I think this song is about cancer. I sincerely hope they do not play this at my wedding.
17. What will they play at your funeral?
Wasting Time (Blink 182). I can hear the eulogy now: "We are gathered here today to say goodbye to a man who made nothing of his life." XD
18. What is your hobby/interest?
All Kinds of Time (Fountains of Wayne). "Just like he planned/ The whole world is his tonight." Stupid Fountains of Wayne, blowing my cover. It's a lot harder to achieve world domination when they know you're coming.
19. What is your biggest fear?
Popular (Wicked: The Musical). "Celebrated Heads of State or specially great communicators - did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh! They were POPULAR!" I wouldn't say this is a fear as such, but this stark truth does irritate me at times. "It's not about aptitude/ It's the way you're viewed/ So it's very shrewd to be/ Very, very popular/ Like me." Heh, I could quote Wicked all day long.
20. What is your biggest secret?
Moon River (Frank Sinatra). "Moon River/ Wider than a mile/ I'm crossing you in style/ Someday." Wow, I can't think of anything funny to say. I'm too busy being seduced by Frank Sinatra. What a voice...
21. What do you think of your friends?
The Great River (Enya). They're all drifters. Get it? Drifters? Like on a raft? Pretty funny, eh? I hate you.
22. Whats a bad habit you have?
What If She's An Angel (Joe Nichols). Occasionally, I make the mistake of not having enough misanthropy. I'm working on it.
23. What do you enjoy of yourself?
No One (Alicia Keys). "No one, no one, no one/ Can get in the way of what I'm feeling." I love the way I can have fun without being worried about making a fool of myself. I feel bad for people who are so terrified of what random strangers might think about them that they won't even sing in public or talk to pretty women. Poor things.
24. What do you think of others?
Michel (Anouk). "You were my first and worst love." That pretty much sums it up. I have this generic love for all people, despite being acutely aware of mankind's tragic failings. Go figure.
25. Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
Take Me Away (Cascada). Europe would be nice...
26. Homework...
Argue (Matchbox Twenty). Classic! Reminds me of a wonderful story from the Talmud - the tale of Rabbi Yochanan and Resh Lakish, Bava Metzia 84a.
Said Rabbi Yochanan, "Whenever I stated an opinion, the son of Lakish used to make twenty-four objections, to which I was compelled to give twenty-four answers; in this way, our understanding of the Law was broadened."
They should give this kind of homework out more often. Kids may actually LEARN something for a change.
Well, that's my quiz done. What a wonderful ride it has been. I encourage you all to go out and complete this quiz yourselves - it's marvelous fun.
Good night, and good luck.
1. If someone says "is this okay?" you say...
California Love (Tupac & Dr. Dre). "It's all good from Diego to the Bay!" I actually answer like this quite often ^^
2. How would you describe yourself?
Puke (Eminem). "You don't know how sick you make me/ you make me fucking sick to my stomach/ every time I think of you I puke"? Words cannot express the emo...
3. What do you like in a guy/girl?
Till I Collapse (Eminem, 50 Cent, 2pac). I like a girl with Stamina. Yes, that capital S is intentional.
4. How do you feel today?
We All Die One Day (G-Unit, Eminem, Obie Trice). Today is a good day for contemplating mortality. It can be quite freeing.
5. What is your life's purpose?
Sing for the Moment (Eminem). "Sing it with me/ just for today/ maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away..." Friends tell me that doesn't count as a proper ambition. I tell them to STFU before I pop a cap in they ass, yo! :P
6. What is your motto?
Eye of the Tiger (Survivor). SEE! I don't JUST listen to hip-hop. Getting a song like this for the motto question is just stupidly easy. I'm not even going to bother.
7. What do your friends think of you?
For Aragorn and Arwen (Enya). They think I'm the saviour of Middle Earth, come to reclaim my kingdom and vanquish evil. Honestly they do.
8. What do you think of your parents?
Little Becky wants to have her school knocked down (Simon Jones). "Is this a demolition company or a joke factory?" - that pretty much sums it up. :P
9.What do you think about very often?
Random Englishman (the "Microphone" function on my Mp3 player). This is a recording of an awesomely wacky dude I once met on the bus home. You know that type that doesn't quite get how you're never supposed to talk to strangers on public transport? I love that type. Reminds me of me. Quotes like "You're almost an English gentleman, the way you carry on. You're one of the nicest blokes I've ever met on the bus" and "Thank you Jew Itzi. What a nice Jew man you are" are not actually things I think about that often; although perhaps if I did my answer to question 2 would be a little more positive. XD
10. What is 2 + 2?
Busted (Matchbox 20). I wonder how many people actually get a relevant answer to this one?
11. What do you think of your best friend?
Give It Up To Me (Sean Paul). Best friends should always put out. This I believe very strongly.
12. What do you think of the person you like?
Hey Jude (The Beatles). "And dont you know that its just you/ Hey Jude, you'll do" - because Jessica Alba is married and has a kid now.
13. What is your life story?
Stoned (Dido). BWAHAHAHAHHAHAA. Isn't it wonderful when the RNG comes up with this stuff?
14. What do you want to be when you grow up?
Nothing Else Matters (Apocalyptica). When I grow up, I want to achieve a Taoist sense of nihilism. True story.
15. What do you think of when you see the person you like?
When You Are Old and Grey (Tom Lehrer). "Since I still appreciate you, let's find love while we may/ Because I know I'll hate you when you are old and grey." Okay, not HATE... but I might want to keep the light off, you know?
16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
Chemo Limo (Regina Spektor). I think this song is about cancer. I sincerely hope they do not play this at my wedding.
17. What will they play at your funeral?
Wasting Time (Blink 182). I can hear the eulogy now: "We are gathered here today to say goodbye to a man who made nothing of his life." XD
18. What is your hobby/interest?
All Kinds of Time (Fountains of Wayne). "Just like he planned/ The whole world is his tonight." Stupid Fountains of Wayne, blowing my cover. It's a lot harder to achieve world domination when they know you're coming.
19. What is your biggest fear?
Popular (Wicked: The Musical). "Celebrated Heads of State or specially great communicators - did they have brains or knowledge? Don't make me laugh! They were POPULAR!" I wouldn't say this is a fear as such, but this stark truth does irritate me at times. "It's not about aptitude/ It's the way you're viewed/ So it's very shrewd to be/ Very, very popular/ Like me." Heh, I could quote Wicked all day long.
20. What is your biggest secret?
Moon River (Frank Sinatra). "Moon River/ Wider than a mile/ I'm crossing you in style/ Someday." Wow, I can't think of anything funny to say. I'm too busy being seduced by Frank Sinatra. What a voice...
21. What do you think of your friends?
The Great River (Enya). They're all drifters. Get it? Drifters? Like on a raft? Pretty funny, eh? I hate you.
22. Whats a bad habit you have?
What If She's An Angel (Joe Nichols). Occasionally, I make the mistake of not having enough misanthropy. I'm working on it.
23. What do you enjoy of yourself?
No One (Alicia Keys). "No one, no one, no one/ Can get in the way of what I'm feeling." I love the way I can have fun without being worried about making a fool of myself. I feel bad for people who are so terrified of what random strangers might think about them that they won't even sing in public or talk to pretty women. Poor things.
24. What do you think of others?
Michel (Anouk). "You were my first and worst love." That pretty much sums it up. I have this generic love for all people, despite being acutely aware of mankind's tragic failings. Go figure.
25. Boyfriend/Girlfriend?
Take Me Away (Cascada). Europe would be nice...
26. Homework...
Argue (Matchbox Twenty). Classic! Reminds me of a wonderful story from the Talmud - the tale of Rabbi Yochanan and Resh Lakish, Bava Metzia 84a.
Said Rabbi Yochanan, "Whenever I stated an opinion, the son of Lakish used to make twenty-four objections, to which I was compelled to give twenty-four answers; in this way, our understanding of the Law was broadened."
They should give this kind of homework out more often. Kids may actually LEARN something for a change.
Well, that's my quiz done. What a wonderful ride it has been. I encourage you all to go out and complete this quiz yourselves - it's marvelous fun.
Good night, and good luck.
Friday, November 21, 2008
Further Northrend Musings
* Dalaran Fountain Fishing: Jaina Proudmoore is the pin-up girl of kings. Her relationships with Medivh and Uther were supposedly platonic *cough cough*. And her feelings for hunky Thrall - powerful, confident, he-of-the-immaculate-abs Thrall - were supposedly confined to "admiration". But everyone knows about her and Arthas. And according to Kael's coin, he was majorly crushing on the sorceress, too. Honestly, she could have solved all the wars of Azeroth with a little well-placed flirting.
* The Ziggurat Defenders in Borean Tundra make a snazzy Halo tribute. "Noble Hierarchs, surely you understand that once the parasite attacked..." <3
* The quest It Goes to 11... in Howling Fjord was clearly just an attempt by Blizzard to show off their new graphics. I was mildly impressed. Then I did the follow up quest, Let's Go Surfing Now. Wow. Just... wow. You must try it.
* Sharks and dolphins! The way they've done them is INCREDIBLE. The hammerheads of Howling Fjord glide powerfully and elegantly through the surf, mimicking perfectly the movements of real sharks. The melodies murmured by the orcas of Glimmer Bay are chillingly, hauntingly magical...
Get yourself to Outland and swim a little. The greatest rewards often lie just below the surface.
* Once you complete Tools to Get the Job Done for Walt of the Explorers' League, he offers you two new quests: We Can Rebuild It and We Have the Technology. I found that immensely amusing. I would like to pretend I got the reference because of my extensive knowledge of popular culture, but the truth is, they did it on Scrubs.
-----------------
Damn, I am loving this "Link" feature. Makes me feel like I'm writing for Encyclopedia Dramatica.
* The Ziggurat Defenders in Borean Tundra make a snazzy Halo tribute. "Noble Hierarchs, surely you understand that once the parasite attacked..." <3
* The quest It Goes to 11... in Howling Fjord was clearly just an attempt by Blizzard to show off their new graphics. I was mildly impressed. Then I did the follow up quest, Let's Go Surfing Now. Wow. Just... wow. You must try it.
* Sharks and dolphins! The way they've done them is INCREDIBLE. The hammerheads of Howling Fjord glide powerfully and elegantly through the surf, mimicking perfectly the movements of real sharks. The melodies murmured by the orcas of Glimmer Bay are chillingly, hauntingly magical...
Get yourself to Outland and swim a little. The greatest rewards often lie just below the surface.
* Once you complete Tools to Get the Job Done for Walt of the Explorers' League, he offers you two new quests: We Can Rebuild It and We Have the Technology. I found that immensely amusing. I would like to pretend I got the reference because of my extensive knowledge of popular culture, but the truth is, they did it on Scrubs.
-----------------
Damn, I am loving this "Link" feature. Makes me feel like I'm writing for Encyclopedia Dramatica.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Politics
The really clever people realise that most issues are far too complex to easily form strong and valid opinions on.
The really clever people realise that any input of theirs, through word or deed, would be staggeringly statistically insignificant.
The really clever people would rather spend their limited time, power and cognitive efforts on problems that they can actually solve.
Thus is political governance left to fools.
The really clever people realise that any input of theirs, through word or deed, would be staggeringly statistically insignificant.
The really clever people would rather spend their limited time, power and cognitive efforts on problems that they can actually solve.
Thus is political governance left to fools.
Friday, November 14, 2008
Northrend Musings
Some random impressions of Northrend before I repose:
* Tuskarr are the sexiest beings known to man. They are heroic and brave and oh-so-cuddly. And they love fishing. <3
* The druids of D.E.H.T.A are unnervingly psychotic. Their struggle to annihilate all who hunt in cruel and unusual ways quickly gets creepy and disturbing. Torture some hunters over here, cut off some ears over there. It's the most chilling thing I've seen in WoW since All That Remains.
* I like how Blizzard has made Nesingwary into a villain for this expansion. Now, I love the little guy. He's pretty much my favourite NPC of all time (Mirren Longbeard and Smiling Jim, you know you still my peeps). But if there's one thing the World of Warcraft portrays spectacularly, it's moral ambiguity. Major props to Blizz for the latest in a long line of feuding factions that make you stop and really think about causes, beliefs, morals, and perspectives. Kudos.
* It's nice to have spirit tap back. I've missed you, old friend.
* Only four levels till Dalaran! Then it's time for me to fish some coins. Salty Dragonyitzi... has a ring to it.
* Tuskarr are the sexiest beings known to man. They are heroic and brave and oh-so-cuddly. And they love fishing. <3
* The druids of D.E.H.T.A are unnervingly psychotic. Their struggle to annihilate all who hunt in cruel and unusual ways quickly gets creepy and disturbing. Torture some hunters over here, cut off some ears over there. It's the most chilling thing I've seen in WoW since All That Remains.
* I like how Blizzard has made Nesingwary into a villain for this expansion. Now, I love the little guy. He's pretty much my favourite NPC of all time (Mirren Longbeard and Smiling Jim, you know you still my peeps). But if there's one thing the World of Warcraft portrays spectacularly, it's moral ambiguity. Major props to Blizz for the latest in a long line of feuding factions that make you stop and really think about causes, beliefs, morals, and perspectives. Kudos.
* It's nice to have spirit tap back. I've missed you, old friend.
* Only four levels till Dalaran! Then it's time for me to fish some coins. Salty Dragonyitzi... has a ring to it.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Raise your flippers to the sky!
For those of you who are uninformed and out-of-touch, on account of until recently being held in a PoW camp on a Pacific island by a squadron of Japs who don't know the war's over (it's been over 60 years, fellas; your people are now famed for attaching mops to their shoes), Blizzard Entertainment has just released a new expansion to World of Warcraft.
I went to the midnight launch tonight at EB Games. It was a wonderful, giddying experience; I had ever so much fun mingling with my co-geeks. I got major props for my [T-Shirt of Pure Pwnage], I made fun of blood elves, and together we all bitched about why Blizzard is the worst games company in the world and how every single thing about WoW is unbalanced and stupid.
The single most memorable event of the night occurred while the security guard was explaining to the attentive masses what they should do when their tickets are called. He was speaking pretty softly, which gave me a wonderful opportunity to interject. I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled in a booming voice which carried wonderfully in the silent, empty mall: "EVERYONE! MURLOC NOISES ON THREE! ONE-TWO-THREE! RGGGRLLRRRGRGLRL!"
Not unsurprisingly, no-one else joined in. There was a moment that I will remember forever, when, with the entire WoW community of the Eastern Suburbs watching raptly, I cried the gargley cry of a Murloc. It was one of the moments that seemed to go on forever, those dazzling singularities of time. In reality, it was probably only half a second before the sheer absurdity of it all breached my wall of bravado and I broke down in hysterics.
Everyone joined in.
It. Was. Wonderful.
I went to the midnight launch tonight at EB Games. It was a wonderful, giddying experience; I had ever so much fun mingling with my co-geeks. I got major props for my [T-Shirt of Pure Pwnage], I made fun of blood elves, and together we all bitched about why Blizzard is the worst games company in the world and how every single thing about WoW is unbalanced and stupid.
The single most memorable event of the night occurred while the security guard was explaining to the attentive masses what they should do when their tickets are called. He was speaking pretty softly, which gave me a wonderful opportunity to interject. I cupped my hands around my mouth and yelled in a booming voice which carried wonderfully in the silent, empty mall: "EVERYONE! MURLOC NOISES ON THREE! ONE-TWO-THREE! RGGGRLLRRRGRGLRL!"
Not unsurprisingly, no-one else joined in. There was a moment that I will remember forever, when, with the entire WoW community of the Eastern Suburbs watching raptly, I cried the gargley cry of a Murloc. It was one of the moments that seemed to go on forever, those dazzling singularities of time. In reality, it was probably only half a second before the sheer absurdity of it all breached my wall of bravado and I broke down in hysterics.
Everyone joined in.
It. Was. Wonderful.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
What would Chuang Tzu do?
After the circus was over, I went to Borders (Cirque de Solei - expensive, fun). I find the atmosphere conducive to reading. At Borders, obviously. It's difficult to read when there are people before you are flying through the air on blue ribbons.
I managed get my paws on an edition of the Chuang Tzu. In it, I read the following:
A man of Sung did business
In silk ceremonial hats.
He traveled with a load of hats
To the wild men of the South.
The wild men had shaved heads,
Tatooed bodies.
What did they want
With silk
Ceremonial hats?
So, with the reckless abandon that is often cultivated when I read the Taoist classics, I went home, typed out those lines into an email, and promptly sent it, with no subject line, to 63 not-quite-randomly-selected contacts on my list. I did exercise some discretion - my workplace will not be receiving any sackable Taoist riddle emails from me, no sir.
The first response has just come through, from my brother, Hecky. It reads "weed much?". I wonder if, among what I'm sure will be many accusations of excessive drug use, I will recieve any truly wonderful responses. Because really, what did the wild men want with all those hats?
This should be interesting.
Let the games begin.
I managed get my paws on an edition of the Chuang Tzu. In it, I read the following:
A man of Sung did business
In silk ceremonial hats.
He traveled with a load of hats
To the wild men of the South.
The wild men had shaved heads,
Tatooed bodies.
What did they want
With silk
Ceremonial hats?
So, with the reckless abandon that is often cultivated when I read the Taoist classics, I went home, typed out those lines into an email, and promptly sent it, with no subject line, to 63 not-quite-randomly-selected contacts on my list. I did exercise some discretion - my workplace will not be receiving any sackable Taoist riddle emails from me, no sir.
The first response has just come through, from my brother, Hecky. It reads "weed much?". I wonder if, among what I'm sure will be many accusations of excessive drug use, I will recieve any truly wonderful responses. Because really, what did the wild men want with all those hats?
This should be interesting.
Let the games begin.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Never Really Asleep
A guy came to fight club for the first time, his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks, he was carved out of wood.
- Edward Norton, Fight Club
His name is Julian. The new gym instructor. He has the friendliness and eagerness to help that typifies tenderfeet everywhere. And he looks like a ripped Mace Windu. We must cherish the little things.
Because he's new, and feels like aiding gym members as much as he possibly can, I got what effectively amounted to a free personal training session this past Tuesday. I love rookies. Especially Caboose.
He formulated an exercise routine for me to follow, but first he asked me what I wanted. Unfortunately he had never watched Buffy, so I couldn't tell him how badly I idolised Spike and wished to emulate him in every way. Except for attempted rape. Attempted rape is a very bad thing. I mean, SERIOUSLY, you're imbued with all the fel energies and raw power that goes with being undead, and you STILL get fended off by a squealing teenager? Your mother and I, we are so ashamed...
Then Julian mentioned how people come to gym and want to look like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. "Edward Norton," I interjected. "I want to look like Edward Norton from Fight Club."
After much laughter and merriment all round, Julian set me an exercise regimen and told me that, were I to eat properly as well, I could look like Norton in a year.
It was an altogether rather painful enterprise. Very painful. Exercise is supposed to hurt, but I went in today and another trainer (Julian's shift had not yet begun) said I had "severe muscle damage". Told me to do 10 minutes on the rowing machines to keep blood flowing through my arms, and then just work my legs. That's what I mean by "painful enterprise" - "severe muscle damage". But despite the hurt, I pushed through Tuesday's session because I had a goal, because I have a goal. I'm going to be Edward Norton from Fight Club.
Yesterday I went to sleep early. Having had little sleep the night before, I dropped onto my bed around 8:30 and instantly slipped away. I woke in the middle of the night because I was cold. It would seem my blanket had slipped off. I blearily opened my eyes and the dining room windows swam into view. My first thought was "this isn't my bedroom". My second thought was not an original. The voice of Edward Norton echoed through my mind, and I heard him:
If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?
The entire circumstance is especially mystifying when one takes into account that I have never, in my entire life, ended up somewhere without knowing how I'd gotten there. Well, I'm guessing I didn't quite understand the Great Miracle of Childbirth when I was a newborn, but you get my drift. I've never even been drunk, for the love of Christ.
There's only one plausible explanation of how I got to the loungeroom couch: in my sleep I must be doing things I can't remember when I wake, operating under a completely different persona.
And Julian thought it'd take me a year! Ha!
- Edward Norton, Fight Club
His name is Julian. The new gym instructor. He has the friendliness and eagerness to help that typifies tenderfeet everywhere. And he looks like a ripped Mace Windu. We must cherish the little things.
Because he's new, and feels like aiding gym members as much as he possibly can, I got what effectively amounted to a free personal training session this past Tuesday. I love rookies. Especially Caboose.
He formulated an exercise routine for me to follow, but first he asked me what I wanted. Unfortunately he had never watched Buffy, so I couldn't tell him how badly I idolised Spike and wished to emulate him in every way. Except for attempted rape. Attempted rape is a very bad thing. I mean, SERIOUSLY, you're imbued with all the fel energies and raw power that goes with being undead, and you STILL get fended off by a squealing teenager? Your mother and I, we are so ashamed...
Then Julian mentioned how people come to gym and want to look like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. "Edward Norton," I interjected. "I want to look like Edward Norton from Fight Club."
After much laughter and merriment all round, Julian set me an exercise regimen and told me that, were I to eat properly as well, I could look like Norton in a year.
It was an altogether rather painful enterprise. Very painful. Exercise is supposed to hurt, but I went in today and another trainer (Julian's shift had not yet begun) said I had "severe muscle damage". Told me to do 10 minutes on the rowing machines to keep blood flowing through my arms, and then just work my legs. That's what I mean by "painful enterprise" - "severe muscle damage". But despite the hurt, I pushed through Tuesday's session because I had a goal, because I have a goal. I'm going to be Edward Norton from Fight Club.
Yesterday I went to sleep early. Having had little sleep the night before, I dropped onto my bed around 8:30 and instantly slipped away. I woke in the middle of the night because I was cold. It would seem my blanket had slipped off. I blearily opened my eyes and the dining room windows swam into view. My first thought was "this isn't my bedroom". My second thought was not an original. The voice of Edward Norton echoed through my mind, and I heard him:
If you wake up at a different time, in a different place, could you wake up as a different person?
The entire circumstance is especially mystifying when one takes into account that I have never, in my entire life, ended up somewhere without knowing how I'd gotten there. Well, I'm guessing I didn't quite understand the Great Miracle of Childbirth when I was a newborn, but you get my drift. I've never even been drunk, for the love of Christ.
There's only one plausible explanation of how I got to the loungeroom couch: in my sleep I must be doing things I can't remember when I wake, operating under a completely different persona.
And Julian thought it'd take me a year! Ha!
Friday, September 12, 2008
Get Stoned, Lose Your Virginity. Or Vice Versa.
The Bible really is quite a charming book. It's truly astounding what you'll find if you just take the time to sit there and read it for a while.
This week's Torah portion is Ki Teitzei. I started reading from the beginning, and it didn't take me long at all to find the good bits. The following is from my Artscroll Chumash. Yes, I have an Artscroll Chumash. Sue me.
If a man marries a wife, and comes to her and hates her, and he makes a wanton accusation against her, spreading a bad name against her, and he said, "I married this woman, and I came near to her and I did not find signs of virginity on her." Then the father of the girl and her mother should take and bring proofs of the girl's virginity to the elders of the city, to the gate. The father of the girl should say to the elders, "I gave my daughter to this man as a wife, and he hated her. Now, behold! he made a wanton accusation against her, saying, 'I did not find signs of virginity on your daughter' - but these are the signs of virginity of my daughter!" And they should spread out the sheet before the elders of the city.
The elders of the city shall take that man and punish him. And they shall fine him one hundred silver [shekels] and give them to the father of the girl, for he had issued a slander against a virgin of Israel, and she shall remain with him as a wife; he cannot divorce her all his days.
But if this matter was true - signs of virginity were not found on the girl - then they shall take the girl to the entrance of her father's house and the people of her city shall pelt her with stones and she shall die, for she had commited an outrage in Israel, to commit adultery in her father's house, and you shall remove the evil from your midst. (Deut 22:13 - 21)
TL;DR version: If a girl gets married, has sex, and doesn't bleed, her husband can get her executed just for the lulz.
A girl sometimes bleeds during sex due to her hymen breaking. The understanding in Biblical times was that the first time a girl has sex, her hymen will break, and she will bleed. If there's no blood, it's not her first time. Simple.
The problem is that many a woman does not bleed the first time she has sex, due to her hymen already being broken or, less frequently, due to her hymen simply stretching, rather than breaking, during sex. A study by Monica Christiansson and Carola Eriksson of Sweden in 2005 stated that "fewer than 30% of women who have gone through puberty and have consensual intercourse bleed the first time" (thank you, Wikipedia).
To recap: every single woman whose hymen breaks before marriage can be effectively murdered by her husband based on false accusations of immorality.
Ask me again why I'm not religious.
This week's Torah portion is Ki Teitzei. I started reading from the beginning, and it didn't take me long at all to find the good bits. The following is from my Artscroll Chumash. Yes, I have an Artscroll Chumash. Sue me.
If a man marries a wife, and comes to her and hates her, and he makes a wanton accusation against her, spreading a bad name against her, and he said, "I married this woman, and I came near to her and I did not find signs of virginity on her." Then the father of the girl and her mother should take and bring proofs of the girl's virginity to the elders of the city, to the gate. The father of the girl should say to the elders, "I gave my daughter to this man as a wife, and he hated her. Now, behold! he made a wanton accusation against her, saying, 'I did not find signs of virginity on your daughter' - but these are the signs of virginity of my daughter!" And they should spread out the sheet before the elders of the city.
The elders of the city shall take that man and punish him. And they shall fine him one hundred silver [shekels] and give them to the father of the girl, for he had issued a slander against a virgin of Israel, and she shall remain with him as a wife; he cannot divorce her all his days.
But if this matter was true - signs of virginity were not found on the girl - then they shall take the girl to the entrance of her father's house and the people of her city shall pelt her with stones and she shall die, for she had commited an outrage in Israel, to commit adultery in her father's house, and you shall remove the evil from your midst. (Deut 22:13 - 21)
TL;DR version: If a girl gets married, has sex, and doesn't bleed, her husband can get her executed just for the lulz.
A girl sometimes bleeds during sex due to her hymen breaking. The understanding in Biblical times was that the first time a girl has sex, her hymen will break, and she will bleed. If there's no blood, it's not her first time. Simple.
The problem is that many a woman does not bleed the first time she has sex, due to her hymen already being broken or, less frequently, due to her hymen simply stretching, rather than breaking, during sex. A study by Monica Christiansson and Carola Eriksson of Sweden in 2005 stated that "fewer than 30% of women who have gone through puberty and have consensual intercourse bleed the first time" (thank you, Wikipedia).
To recap: every single woman whose hymen breaks before marriage can be effectively murdered by her husband based on false accusations of immorality.
Ask me again why I'm not religious.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Sex, Lies, and Newspaper Clippings
I will often cut out and Blu Tack to my bedroom wall especially poignant or witty sentences or paragraphs that I encounter in newspapers. I've been reading the past few days' worth of Sydney Morning Heralds, and have decided to add three clippings to my wall today, which is quite a good haul.
The first is from an article about the legal difficulties facing transsexuals in Australia today (I couldn't be making this up if I tried). The article covers a full page, but the excerpt that I am keeping reads:
In Australia few couples are willing to go public. But theirs are great love stories, nonetheless. Bobbi and Susan, married for 13 years, and parents to a five-year-old, have drawn closer in the five years since Bobbi confessed her feelings. In November she had the operation.
"It took me 37 years to admit to myself who I was," Bobbi says. "Susan's first words to me were, 'The marriage is over.' I got the divorce papers; I was prepared to give her the house and everything in it. She hated what I was doing, she was losing a husband."
They never did divorce, and Bobbi had an operation in November. "When you have a true soulmate, nothing is too much trouble," Bobbi says. "Love can be boundless."
In an article all about the grown-up issues of marriage, sexuality and the law, that short tale, strange and unexpected as it was, really hit me with its youthful Disneyesque message - its testament to the power of love. Cue the Celine Dion.
The second article I read was about Sarah Palin, John McCain's new running mate (whom, I must note, merits her own post. Stop bugging me, Sarah, I'll write it when I'm good and ready). This piece was about Palin's support for abstinence-until-marriage sex education programs, and the impact these programs have had on America.
The closing paragraph, which quite appalled me, went thusly:
Abstinence programs, which cost $US176 million in 2007, have been controversial since a congressional committee report found teens were being wrongly taught that HIV can spread via sweat and tears, and that condoms failed to stop transmission of HIV up to 31 per cent of the time in heterosexual intercourse.
The cost doesn't really bother me; newspapers love to give the seemingly high costs of various government programs to provoke outrage amongst their readers, while not providing the proper context of how expensive goverment projects really are, and how much money governments really have to play around with.
But while I really should not have batted an eyelid at the misinformation spread to lend credence to the pro-abstinence educators' policies, I have never quite been able to rid myself of the tendency to be irritated every time I encounter a new instance of fudged figures. Although I see the value, and even the necessity, in figures of authority blatantly lying to the people to achieve their goals, it has never sat quite right with me.
And finally, to take us out on a lighter note; the third quotation, also from the abstinence article:
...studies had found the programs to be ineffective in changing sexual behaviour.
"The states have realised this is not a public health approach and 25 states have withdrawn. Sarah Palin's own state, Alaska, has pulled out..."
It's really important, in this world of thorny issues and weighty problems, to take the time out to enjoy some nice, wholesome sexual innuendo. Adios, and have a most wonderful day.
The first is from an article about the legal difficulties facing transsexuals in Australia today (I couldn't be making this up if I tried). The article covers a full page, but the excerpt that I am keeping reads:
In Australia few couples are willing to go public. But theirs are great love stories, nonetheless. Bobbi and Susan, married for 13 years, and parents to a five-year-old, have drawn closer in the five years since Bobbi confessed her feelings. In November she had the operation.
"It took me 37 years to admit to myself who I was," Bobbi says. "Susan's first words to me were, 'The marriage is over.' I got the divorce papers; I was prepared to give her the house and everything in it. She hated what I was doing, she was losing a husband."
They never did divorce, and Bobbi had an operation in November. "When you have a true soulmate, nothing is too much trouble," Bobbi says. "Love can be boundless."
In an article all about the grown-up issues of marriage, sexuality and the law, that short tale, strange and unexpected as it was, really hit me with its youthful Disneyesque message - its testament to the power of love. Cue the Celine Dion.
The second article I read was about Sarah Palin, John McCain's new running mate (whom, I must note, merits her own post. Stop bugging me, Sarah, I'll write it when I'm good and ready). This piece was about Palin's support for abstinence-until-marriage sex education programs, and the impact these programs have had on America.
The closing paragraph, which quite appalled me, went thusly:
Abstinence programs, which cost $US176 million in 2007, have been controversial since a congressional committee report found teens were being wrongly taught that HIV can spread via sweat and tears, and that condoms failed to stop transmission of HIV up to 31 per cent of the time in heterosexual intercourse.
The cost doesn't really bother me; newspapers love to give the seemingly high costs of various government programs to provoke outrage amongst their readers, while not providing the proper context of how expensive goverment projects really are, and how much money governments really have to play around with.
But while I really should not have batted an eyelid at the misinformation spread to lend credence to the pro-abstinence educators' policies, I have never quite been able to rid myself of the tendency to be irritated every time I encounter a new instance of fudged figures. Although I see the value, and even the necessity, in figures of authority blatantly lying to the people to achieve their goals, it has never sat quite right with me.
And finally, to take us out on a lighter note; the third quotation, also from the abstinence article:
...studies had found the programs to be ineffective in changing sexual behaviour.
"The states have realised this is not a public health approach and 25 states have withdrawn. Sarah Palin's own state, Alaska, has pulled out..."
It's really important, in this world of thorny issues and weighty problems, to take the time out to enjoy some nice, wholesome sexual innuendo. Adios, and have a most wonderful day.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
The Spirit of Competition
As I sit here the Olympic flame is about to be extinguished. Beijing 2008 draws to a close. It's a strange feeling; a wraithlike, bittersweet, nostalgia. It feels as if I'm mourning for someone I barely knew. The music has been exceedingly well chosen.
-------------------------------------------
It is gone. The ashes of the torch lie dormant, settling in for another four years of solemn repose.
These Olympics have been significant for me. Neither Sydney nor Athens really interested me. But my outlook on sports, on athleticism itself, have changed dramatically.
No longer is physical prowess the pursuit of uneducated proletarians. No longer is human fitness and strength irrelevant, despite paling - as I oft reminded myself in my younger days - besides that of much of the animal kindgdom.
I am an athlete myself now, a martial artist. Kung fu has slowly stirred in me a respect and deference to those with speed, power, endurance and agility. The grapes are no longer sour, I have recognised them for their sweetness. And I long for them.
In four years' time, the Olympics will come to London. I will have six and a half years of martial arts experience when they arrive. I get the very strong impression that my appreciation for Beijing will be dwarfed by what I see, what I savour, in London.
Goodbye, China. Your Games were truly impressive. Your ceremonies were spectacular. I have seen in your Olympics what your kung fu has wrought. It has stirred a part of me that slept within for seventeen years. Deep within me, with a rippling, surging energy . . .
The dragon awakens.
-------------------------------------------
It is gone. The ashes of the torch lie dormant, settling in for another four years of solemn repose.
These Olympics have been significant for me. Neither Sydney nor Athens really interested me. But my outlook on sports, on athleticism itself, have changed dramatically.
No longer is physical prowess the pursuit of uneducated proletarians. No longer is human fitness and strength irrelevant, despite paling - as I oft reminded myself in my younger days - besides that of much of the animal kindgdom.
I am an athlete myself now, a martial artist. Kung fu has slowly stirred in me a respect and deference to those with speed, power, endurance and agility. The grapes are no longer sour, I have recognised them for their sweetness. And I long for them.
In four years' time, the Olympics will come to London. I will have six and a half years of martial arts experience when they arrive. I get the very strong impression that my appreciation for Beijing will be dwarfed by what I see, what I savour, in London.
Goodbye, China. Your Games were truly impressive. Your ceremonies were spectacular. I have seen in your Olympics what your kung fu has wrought. It has stirred a part of me that slept within for seventeen years. Deep within me, with a rippling, surging energy . . .
The dragon awakens.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Does my new niece look evil to you?
She looks evil to me. Here, take a look:
There are those who aren't that good at spotting evil. They'll look at pictures like that and go "awww, she's so cute." BAD REACTION. Don't let her youth and colourful blanket lull you into a false sense of security - just 'cause she has no teeth, don't mean she can't bite.
Some people are so steeped in their ways that they refuse to see truth; others merely don't have enough information to come to the correct conclusions. For those of you in the latter group, I present a comparison:
The fellow on the right is Kim Jong-Il, dictator of North Korea. Notice the similarities. Is that enough proof for you??
If you're still not convinced, you're probably one of those morons who have no idea how to tell if someone's evil or not just by looking at a photo of them. So as a public service, I put together a demotivator, warning you all of the dangers of underestimating this grave new threat:
And that's all we have time for. NEXT WEEK: Mother Theresa
Nobel Peace Prize? Beatification??? ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME????
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